By Secret Drummer

Secrets drummer enters rehab

By Xi-Kan, Jin Zuay

According to reports from unnamed sources, Victorian Secrets drummer, S, was seen entering a hospital off the tropical metropolis island nation of Singapore. Rumour has it he was checking himself into a rehabilitation clinic due to an extreme medical condition that has affected his vision. Earlier reports from similarly unnamed sources suggest he is suffering from constant blurring of vision and dilated pupils.

Here is an anonymous eyewitness account taken at the scene of the sighting, "Wah I saw him walking very briskly into the building, dunno which clinic he going to! Cepat-cepat sial... I heard all these play music one, always sitting down, dunno what he cooking... Maybe, what-you-call? Walk-fire-road-monster? Seeing things lah... psychedelic motions brudder..."

Another bypasser, who wished to keep his/her identity secret, had this to say, "Masuk building putih, pasti makan dadah lah... Kesian lah budak ini... Mata-mata habis lah.. (Enter white building, must be taking heroin... The poor bugger... His eyes are goner...)"

At the exact location of this unnamed building, this reporter spotted predominantly dark-skinned people, probably of local "muddy" descent loitering around the lobby. Most sported long hair, some wore dark shades and almost all were dressed similarly in blue jeans and a black t-shirt. Jeans were more often than not, torn at the knees or thighs, their t-shirts had stridently-designed murals containing words like "Guns N Roses, AC/-/DC, Pantera". Although this sort of dressing was the norm, there were a few who were less radically-clad and were said to be of different tribal clans, called "genres" in their lingo-speak.

S was not spotted leaving the premises at time of press. It is not known if he will be able to continue playing for the Secrets at their scheduled performances this December.